NikitasPlaceFiles

MY MASK

Don't be fooled by me

Don't be fooled by the mask I wear

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks

Masks that I'm afraid to take off,

None of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second-nature with me

But again don't be fooled

For God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure

That all is sunny and un-ruffled...Within me and without

That confidence is my name and coolness is my game

That the waters calm, and I'm in command

And that I need no one But don't believe me

My surface may seem smooth

But my mask, ever -changing, ever concealing

Beneath lies no compliance nor peace

Beneath lies, confusion and fear and aloneness

But I hid this. I don't want anyone to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness

And fear being exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask

To hide behind.

A nonchalant sophistacated facade,

To help me pretend,

To shield me from the glance that knows

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,

My only hope, and I know it......that is

If it's followed by acceptance

If it's followed by love

It's the only thing

That can liberate me from myself,

From my own self-built prison walls

From the barrier I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me

Of what I can't assure myself

That I'm really worth something to someone..

But I don't tell you this, I don't dare...I'm afraid to

I'm afraid your glance

Will not be followed by acceptance

Nor will it be followed by love.

I'm afraid that you will think less of me,

That you'll laugh,

And your laugh will hurt me deeply.

I'm afraid that deep down, I am nothing

That I'm just no good to anyone, even myself

And that you will see this, and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game

With a facade of assurance without,

And a trembling lonely child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,

And my life becomes a front.

I chatter to you in the idle tones of suave talk

I tell you everything that's really nothing,

And nothing of what's.....crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine

Do not be fooled by what I am saying,

Please listen carefullly, and try to hear

What I am not saying.,

What I would like to say for survival,

And what my fear won't let me say.

I don't like to hide

I don't like to play surperficial, phony games

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and myself,

But you've got to help me

You've got to hold out your hand,

Even when it's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes,

The blank stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time your kind and gentle and encouraging,

And each time you try to understand....

Because you really care,

My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings

But very real wings!

Your power can touch me into feeling ok

You can breathe life into me

Where sorrow fills my soul.

Where only emptiness has been....

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

How you can be a creator

An honest to God creator

Of the person that is me,...if you choose to.

Together we can break down the wall

Behind which I tremble

You can help remove my mask

To release me.....from my shadow world of panic,

Uncertainty.....my very lonely prison...

If you choose to.

Please choose to, do not pass me by

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worhtlessness

Builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach me

The more regretfully I might strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books say,

I am often irrational.

I fight against the very thing that I cry out for

But I am told....that love is stronger than strong walls,

And in this lies my hope

Please try to beat down these walls

With firm hands, but with gentle hands

For a child is very sensitive.

Who am I....you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well

For I am every person you meet.

Author Unknown